Opryland 2018

In a parallel universe, Opryland U.S.A is still open and thriving.  In an effort to appeal to a younger audience, "The Little Deuce Coup" has recently been re-themed to "The Cosmic Saucers," complete with planetarium-style effects inside the dome and a high-tech laser system.  The playlist is composed mostly by the music of Flo Rida and Pitbull, except for special 80's themed weekends.

Baby boomers often complain about the lack of "soul" in the revamped attraction.

Meanwhile, on the other side of Briley Parkway, "Dolly Parton's Splash 'n Holler Lagoon" just celebrated the opening of its latest water ride, "Dolly's D Cups," featuring two side-by-side bikini-shaped ride vehicles that float riders and their friends down a curving waterway.  After the notorious Grizzly River Rampage Incident, in which a live bear mauled a park guest seven years ago, that attraction was dismantled, leaving a river-shaped hole in visitor's hearts.

Millennials decry the ride's theming as "overtly sexual, but thank God at least there are no bears."

And finally tonight, an update to the ongoing controversy of the "Screamin' Delta Demon," which has recently come under fire by right-wing conservative groups for its blatant Satanic and Cajunic (sic) imagery.  A few name-change proposals such as "Bob's Bobsleds" and "Sleddin' with Jesus" have been met with patrons shaking their head "no" in slow motion with deadpan stares, all without breaking eye contact.

Gen Xers remember when this ride was cool, as they sigh forlornly at the Jesus-shaped e-cigarette pens in the gift shop.

Now, as suddenly as a thought, my mind returns back through the quantum foam into this Universe.  As I step through the bustling corridors of a shopping center that long ago replaced the iconic theme park, I find myself remembering the layout of that familiar childhood haunt.  To me, it still seems like the park completely fit within the back side of the current mall's parking lot, and that still boggles my mind.  I can almost make out the exact spot where the Wabash Cannonball would whoosh by the delighted pedestrians.

There, just inside those doors, the food court.  If you listen closely late at night, you can still faintly hear the screams of riders of the Dulcimer Splash, going down that final drop.  Further distant, the bell of one of the trains as it chugs towards a nearby station.  The ghostly music playing over the speakers is currently banjo-laden bluegrass.  (Many fingers and feet were happily tapped along these pleasant walkways.)

A couple of kids walk by excitedly talking about CHAOS, then they slowly vanish to history.  I recognize one of those kids.  He was me.  I will never get to ride that or any other ride at this wonderful park ever again, but I sometimes find myself wondering what it would have been like if it were still around today.

So, using the mysterious power of our collective, multi-generational minds, we can again pull back the barrier between realities, and travel once more to the land of alternate things.