It suddenly (and quite jarringly) occurred to me today that this will be our tenth holiday without Steph.
That's an entire decade's worth of memories. Three-thousand, six-hundred and fifty days (give or take) of laughter, tears, triumphs, defeats, and new Star Wars projects; each worthy of prolonged discussion over a phone call—one I will never make again.
As most of you know, I started writing as a way to heal. Working through my grief using the written word turned out to be very therapeutic, and it received such a positive response that it soon became "my thing." Since my previous thing was throwing up before marching band contests ("the chunkier the spew, the better we'll do!"), I wasn't inclined to argue.
Holidays can be hard for most of us, even during the best of times. And this year, there's an extra squishy booger stuck on the fruitcake: the pandemic. My mom, who lives about three miles away in a nursing home, hasn't been able to see anyone since March. This afternoon I got a call notifying me that residents are confined to their rooms due to a positive case. I can only imagine how lonely it feels staring out at the world for months on end without being able to hug your loved ones. (God bless the developers of the modern smartphone.)
For all of this, I am blessed. I have an abundance of love in my life—more so, perhaps, than I deserve. I appreciate it more than words can adequately convey.
Right now, a cat is purring on my lap. Amanda is in the kitchen baking cookies, offering occasional smiles and winks. The nightclub next door is silent, perhaps adhering to that old chestnut about the traditional volume level of holy nights. Truly, this is a Christmas miracle.
Best of all, I am but a few button clicks away from all of my friends and family. I love each and every one of you; you've been there for me in ways you probably don't realize. I hope I am here for you as well. If not, I'll endeavor to try harder.
Whatever your reason for the season, I wish it a blessed one for you and yours. (Personally, I'm thinking of giving Saturnalia a whirl this year. Does it come with pie?)
No comments:
Post a Comment