Dating is hard enough even in the best of times. Now, imagine being in your 30’s, a bald, unemployed, single mother with only one boob. Oh, did I mention you also get to have Cancer? Maybe I should have led with that.
Applications for serious boyfriend now being
accepted! Interviews are on a first come, first served basis! Come
experience the amazing Unaboob! (*Limited time offer while the supply lasts.)
Uh, hello? Is anyone out there? Maybe I need to go
print some more fliers.
Ahem.
Oh, hi there, reader! I should probably explain
exactly who I am and the purpose of this book. A few years ago, my
sister was diagnosed, battled, and eventually succumbed to breast
cancer. This is a horrible fate suffered by many women (men, too) and
quite a few books have been written on the topic. Most of these,
however, seem to thrive on such survival tropes as: “if it
wasn’t for the support of my loving husband” or “fortunately
we had plenty of funds set aside to…”
Well, you get the idea. What the Cancer-survival
books niche was missing was something written from the perspective of
a single mom who struggled, as many single mothers do, with raising a
kid, having an argumentative ex, competing to be the “cool mom,”
trying to date, and not having nearly enough money to survive and
provide for her family. Then of course you add the extra garnish of
chemotherapy, hair loss, radiation treatments, depression, constant
sickness, a mastectomy, on top of all of those other stressful
things, and behold, you have the recipe for a much-needed book that,
to my knowledge, didn't seem to exist. (Maybe it was just on back
order.)
The point is, there was an apparent trend
throughout all of the books we found in those days: the survivors
seemed to have a few advantages. The other patients, those poor
struggling mothers who were no less deserving of survival, didn’t
seem to be represented. Did they, too, beat the odds? What words of
wisdom, hope, and inspiration did they have for my family?
The answer soon hit us: we would have to write
such a book ourselves. I would offer my services as a wanna-be writer
to help compose the book, Steph would offer her own candid insights
and perspective, and we would
infuse the book with a lot of warmth and humor. Yes, it’s okay to
laugh at tragedy, just so
long as it isn't
mean-spirited. We were
raised to laugh at ourselves and bad situations, since wallowing in
abject misery is not
nearly as much fun. (Of course we may swerve over the line of irreverence here and there, but that's just how we roll, y'all.)
Sadly, that book was
never meant to be. Steph passed away in January of 2010, without a
single word having been written. However, she did keep a diary, some
of which is presented in the pages that follow.
I’ve debated
writing this book for many years. Somehow it never seemed right to
continue with that original concept, as the one who actually went
through the ordeal is no longer around to speak for herself. Instead,
I’ve decided to write a biography of sorts, one in which I hope to
serve two purposes: to honor her life, and maybe be the book that
someone else needs to read someday. (There’s definitely a
niche out there, and I feel you. I won’t make you wait for back
order.)
Some of the following will be in her own words,
but most of the content will be from my own perspective, written from
memory, blog entries, and conversations with other family members. It
goes without saying that any errors contained within will definitely
be my own, and I apologize in advance for any inaccuracies. As you
might imagine, it was (and is) an emotional subject.
Yes, our hero dies in the end. (I wish, more
than anything, I could have written a better ending for this
tale.) However, even in sadness, there can be great hope. After all,
there were many years prior full of life, experiences, and laughter,
some of which are included here. Of course, condensing an entire life
into a relatively tiny narrative doesn’t really do that life
justice, but I’ll try to do the best that I can.
I might never have discovered my own writing voice had I not desperately needed a way to voice my own grief after you died.
So sis, this book is dedicated to you.
I hope it makes you proud.
After all, in this story, you’re the hero.
-Topher Graves, November 2018
Keep an eye out for the forthcoming ebook!
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